Thursday, November 15, 2007

To achieve virtue in the absolute sense, a man must be willing to the foulest crimes upon his soul - for the sake of his brothers. Flesh is mortal...... soul is not. True virtue is in mortifying your soul. So you think you love the broad mass of mankind? You know nothing about love. You give two bucks to a strike fund and you think you have done you duty ?? Fools.... NO gift is worth a damn, unless its the most precious thing you've got.

Are you ready to give your soul ?
to a lie ? yes, if others believe it.
to deceit ? yes, if others need it.
to treachery, knavery, crime ? Yes !! to whatever it is that seems lowest and vilest in your eyes. Only when you can feel contempt for your priceless little ego, only then you can achieve the true broad peace of selflessness, the merging of your spirit with the vast collective spirit of mankind.

There is no room for the love of others within the tight, crowded miser's hole or a private ego. Be empty in order to be filled. The sacrifice that includes the destruction of one's soul....... is only for heroes to grasp and achieve........

-- Provoked by the Fountainhead.

Friday, November 02, 2007

unse nazar kya milii roshan fizaaen ho gaiin,
aaj jaana pyaar kii jaaduugarii kya chiiz hai....

khultii zulfon ne sikhaaii mausamon ko shaayarii,
jhuktii aankhon ne bataaya maikashii kya chiiz hai.....

ham labon se kah na paae unse haal-e-dil kabhii,
aur voh samjhe nahiin yeh khaamoshii kya chiiz hai.....

--- Jagjit Singh
Isolation is the said to be the most effective form of human torture. Mere hours of sensory solitary can reduce the strongest of men to tears. Days of it will drive them to madness.

I have been at it for years.......

Tuesday, October 30, 2007


someday u'll cry for me,
as i cried for u......

someday u'll miss me,
like i missed u.......

someday u'll need me,
like i needed u.......

someday u'll love me,
as i loved u........ and that day i wont love u.......

Thursday, October 18, 2007

"u did this to me..... WHY ?"

"I wish there was an easier way.... but there wasn't. Everyday i saw in me what u see in me now. Everyday i wanted to end it, but everyday you refused to give in, i knew i couldn't."


"you could have ended it. you could have given in..... but u didnt... why child ? it would have been easier...."

"SHUT UP! i don't want to hear your lies!!"

"Don't run from it..... you have been running all your life...."

"i HATE you!! i thought i'd die with all the hate in my veins... i couldn't feel anything anymore....."

"listen to me..... this may be the most important moment of your life.... commit to it. I took everything from you.... everything but your life.... and you thought that was all that mattered, didn't you ? You thought it was all you had left. But then something changed.... you found something that mattered more than your life. You found a will...... a perspective. you were defiant to the very end. you faced death. you were calm, you were still...... you chose to die than to live with your head bowed... i did take everything away from you... but i also gave you the one thing that mattered most in your life. will u still not embrace me son ?"

".... my breath will die wishing you were dead....."

Sunday, October 14, 2007

I walk alone at midnight
I walk on a rough road
And the shadow...
....the ever creeping shadow
Seeks to master me

I walk upon the knife edge
One side lies the flame
On the other...shadow
On both is the Taint
The everlasting mortal fear

The Black Taint of Death
Yet is death so black?
As it is painted...
Mortal fears Him
Immortals do not see

Who truly knows
What happens beyond the Abyss...
The Cliff of No Return, the Black River
All are but names of the same
Who knows?

Who wants?
Who has the Will to embrace Him
Freely, truly, without force
I seek this and many other
Answers to Futility

I see Him now
Black robed and sombre
He is amazed
"Thy time is not yet"

A voice surprisingly gentle
Like the whisper of the wind
He raises his hand to dismiss me...
"I am come to ask" say I
"All answers are begotten at the End"
"I cannot wait"
"Yet thou have a life to live
it is not choice"
"Yet the answer I must have"
"There is but one way"
"I am willing to forfeit Life"
"Why seek that which thou canst not have?"
"That is the way of all Mortals"
"Though speakest sooth"
"I seek the truth"
"What purpose is it when thy life is forfeit?"
"The Question burns me"
"As it burns and has burned all
of thy race"
"Yet I seek more than others"
"What is thy choice, flame or shadow?"
"Both and none"
"Nay that is not for thee"
"Yet that is the right choice"
"Sooth, but the path is steep
and wearing and thou but a boy"
"I am in the age of Decision
Grey beard doth not wisdom make"
Yet grey is the cloth of years
and years sit heavy upon a mind"
"And wear it out eventually"

Shadow is Flame
Flame is Shadow
Both are One
Both are Void

Reality is Dream
Dreams are Reality
Force is nature
Light is Darkness
Good and Evil
Chaos is One
Chaos is Power
Chaos is God
Chaos is Satan
is Man
is Maker
is Creation
I have the answer
I am no more
I am FOREVER........

--- picked up from smwhr
They dedicate their lives
To running all of his
He tries to please them all
This bitter man he is
Throughout his life the same
Hes battled constantly
This fight he cannot win
A tired man they see no longer cares
The old man then prepares
To die regretfully
That old man here is me

- The Unforgiven ( Metallica )

Sunday, September 30, 2007

not a day goes by when i dont say sorry to everyone i have failed..........

15 years.......

Its been fifteen years. Fifteen years since that boy died. The man who took his place was nothing more than a piece of stone, devoid of emotions, devoid of pain, devoid of things that made him human. He would not let those things kill him, as they had killed the little boy, not yet anyway. He has a job to do. He owes someone that much, even though he doesn't even know that someone.
Its been fifteen years. Fifteen years of pain. Even the stone can see his broken pieces lying around him. But its been worth it. He hasn't wasted these fifteen years. The stone has mastered everything he wanted. He knows what other people donot. He can do what other people cannot. He can be what other people cannot. And for that he despises he despises this world and everybody in it. Despises but not hates. No.......he does not hate everyone. Its a privilage reserved for very selected people. But he hates himself. Hates and pities himself. Hates because what he has let himself become, and pities because he knows he could not have been someone else.... something else.
Its been fifteen years.Wounds don't seem to heal. Its better that way, because they donot let him forget.....and forgive. He is now so used to pain, that without them he would not exist. He knows that without them there will be no reason to exist.
Its been fifteen years of fear. Every night he would try to sleep as his nightmares engulfed him. And every night he would wonder why there was no one to hold his hand and tell him everything will be alright ? Why was he chosen ? Why did he have to alone ? Why he had no one to pick him up when he fell at every step ? Why ? He did not know. He will never know. He will never have anyone. Once he understood that, he accepted his fears. Accepted that he was weak. Accepted that he will always be on his own. And in the end, he knew that he had been given a chance. Now it was his fight win or lose, to succeed or fail, to live or to die..............

Thursday, August 23, 2007


a self imposed change on my life style........ i dont know if its a good idea.... have already alienated myself from the only real friends i had.

the picture brought this change..... his face reminded me i have still a lot to do..... though not a reason. but is this way correct ?? for once i cannot make a decision.

hope is a good thing..........

Saturday, July 14, 2007


My child arrived just the other day;
Came to the world in the usually way
But there were planes to catch and bills to pay.
He learned to walk while I was away.
He was talkin' 'fore I knew it.
And as he grew he said,
"I'm gonna be like you, Dad.
You know I'm gonna be like you."

Well, my son turned ten just the other day.
He said , "Thanks for the ball, Dad. Come on, let's play.
Could you teach me to throw ?" I said, "Not today.
I got a lot to do." He said, "That's okay."
And he walked away and he smiled and he said,
"You know,
I'm gonna be like him, yeah.
You know I'm gonna be like him."

Well, he came from college just the other day,
So much like a man I just had to say,
"I'm proud of you. Could you sit for a while ?"
He shook his head and he said with a smile,
"What I'd really like, Dad, is to borrow the car keys.
See you later. Can I have them please ?"

I've long since retired, my son's moved away.
I called him up just the other day.
"I'd like to see you, if you dont mind."
He said, "I'd love to, Dad, if I could find the time.
You see my new job's a hassle and the kids have the flu,
But it's sure nice talkin' to you, Dad.
It's been sure nice talkin' to you."

And as I hung up the phone it occurred to me,
He'd grown up just like me.
My boy was just like me.

-Cat's in the cradle (ugly kid joe)

i wont be like my dad.........

Friday, June 08, 2007


And thus I clothe my naked villainy...
...with old odd ends
stolen forth from holy writ...
...and seem a saint,
when most I play the devil.

- V for Vendetta

Friday, May 25, 2007

black & white..........

.......................and He looked down at the small boy, who He had just robbed of everything that mattered in his three years of life. Looked down at eyes that will one day , burn with hatred and loathing. Looked down at a child's face that will much soon become a man's. Looked down at lips that will never smile again. Looked down at tears that will never flow again, because he will never experience pain any greater than he had just walked through. Looked down at a head that will never go down till a breath is left. Looked down at a small body that will hurt itself everyday because of his helplessness. Looked down at the seed of hatred He had just sowed, knowing that time will not kill , but nurture him. Looked down at a life He knew , will always be against the wall,crawling, trying to stand up and falling harder with every effort. But He also knew that the boy will never go down, someday he will get up. He will be someone. That day, there would be a reckoning. That day, the circle will be over and the pain will go away. The boy will be beyond its reach.
All these things He knew. To Him all this was a game, nothing else. What the small boy didn't know as looked into the darkness, was that he had already been marked........that one day he will see the light and that day, he will choose the darkness......................
............ and in his own blood he will taste vengeance and find redemption.

Wednesday, May 23, 2007

one pillar gone......

i have been to too many funerals.

my grandfather died a few weeks ago. he was probably the best man i had ever known. he brought me up since i was 4 years old. i had been away from him since 5 years. we did not talk much. it was my fault because i knew he'd have listened if only i had talked. there was so much i wanted to tell him. i'd have told him that now i understood why he forced me to do the things i hated. i'd have told him how much i liked the books he always brought me. i'd have told him how much i appreciated his always being patient with me.i'd have told him how sorry i was for everytime i refused to listen to what he said.i'd have told him that everytime i failed him, it hurt me much more than it hurt him. i'd have told him....... i could never love him even though i wanted to with all my heart...... that, i could never be a son. there were so many things i wanted to tell him. now, there are so many things i will never be able to tell him.

Tuesday, March 06, 2007

Introductions :P

ah..... i plan to remain anonymous...... any1 asking for my identity will be IGNORED.
thank u