Tuesday, December 29, 2009


how many years do we live ?

how many times do we die ?

i am born every morning.... look forward to the peaceful sleep every night.
that is how i live life and that is how i believe it should be lived. forget ur past, forget ur mistakes, forget ur weakness, forget ur pain. will it all away.

remember only what u love... what is worth waking up the next morning
most people dont find it...
most people cannot retain it... it can be a person, a profession, a book, a statue....
believe that mute perseverance will always triumph.
believe in yourself because u know ur truth
there are no gods, no co-incidences, no miracles....... only their illusions

world is not grey. its black and white. use ur mind... the truth lies in front of u.... its only as obscure as u make it

break free of the chains that bind u....


Saturday, December 26, 2009

is the world bizzare ? or am i ?

galactic.avenger: lol
me: :P
galactic.avenger: Bizarro superman to be precise
8:33 PM me: bizzaro IS superman
thr is only one bizarro
galactic.avenger: ok
me: so no need to use superman with him
galactic.avenger: oki
me: thr is a clone for batman also
hez called batzarro
8:34 PM galactic.avenger: btw have u ever listened to the superman song from the scrubs tv show
me: he n bizarro r a team...
u got it ?
galactic.avenger: yea
wait this not some superman song its just called so
me: o.0
wt shud i do ?
8:35 PM galactic.avenger: take it its pretty good
me: kk
aur bata wassap ?
galactic.avenger: well nothing much
me: k
8:36 PM baal bacche kaise hain ?
bhabhi ji kaisii hain ?
raashan paani aa raha haina ?
galactic.avenger: haha
me: :P
galactic.avenger: kyun kya hua. someone asked u all that?
aur aaj ka exam how did it go
8:37 PM me: lol
exam kuch khaas nai gaya
8:39 PM galactic.avenger: ok
toh kya hua who gives a damn
8:40 PM does a dam give a damn?
will u give a damn about a dam?
the whole damnation will not account for the cost of building a damn
me: lol
kya ho gaya aisa ?
8:41 PM galactic.avenger: kuch nahi
i think damn and bogus are pretty cool words
bogus man
8:42 PM me: lol
aisa kyu bhai ?
galactic.avenger: i mean bogus sounds so indie
no punkish
8:43 PM me: ...
kaise kar leta hai tu ye ?
galactic.avenger: kya
8:44 PM me: yahi
aisii batein
8:45 PM wo bhi bina piye hue
8:46 PM ada padh liya ?
galactic.avenger: wouldnt it be great to have all the insight of the high without being so?
8:47 PM me: then it wud be of no value
galactic.avenger: lol
me: i mean
it will seemingly hav no value...
8:48 PM galactic.avenger: but then people will respect your seemingly stange powers of surrealistic incoherence without you having a bad breadth or a staggering walk
me: no...
8:49 PM thn everyone will have powers such as u...
galactic.avenger: are you kidding me.
me: yaar
galactic.avenger: (i have that power :P)
me: if one guy can get somthing without having to fight for it... without having to raise his level for it
8:50 PM then so can a million othrs...
galactic.avenger: yea but no one realizes it easy to talk to philosophic bullshit
me: the value of power or sight or knowledge lies in the fact that how obscurely it is placed
8:51 PM galactic.avenger: yes but it is easy to grasp the knowledge but its not easy to place it in such a way to make it seem as it is magic
me: yup
thats the imp part...
no one respects a secret once its known
galactic.avenger: yes so if a person who can talk surreal in normal circumstances will make people wonder how does he do it
8:52 PM why does he do it and more importantly "i am in awe of him for i cannot do it"
or "hes bullshit i dont care for i have more friends"
8:54 PM me: lol
8:55 PM umm
do u realize we both r saying the same thing ?
8:56 PM galactic.avenger: yes but you are stressing on the fact that everything is achievable by everyone whereas i am trying to stress on the fact that most people will never try
me: but everything IS achievable by almost everyone
the only problem is what u said....
8:57 PM most ppl dont try
galactic.avenger: yes i know that but they dont know that ;) and it is this fact that people such as us should bank on
me: lol
galactic.avenger: the fact that we did the work of knowing this makes it necessary for us
8:58 PM me: ye bhi hai
but we r not seperate from humanity...
shudnt we try to help them ?
galactic.avenger: of course
8:59 PM i am not averse to that idea
but people are ignorant puppies who wouldnt even want to learn something unless it benefits them immediately
u give them a bone and they will take it readily
9:00 PM me: yea
the donot see the big picture...
galactic.avenger: but u give them a shovel to dig all the bones they can they would cringe and would rather starve or cry for mummy
9:01 PM me: aptly put
9:02 PM hmmm
galactic.avenger: there is no big picture, isnt it the only picture? aren't the things we crave for nothing more than the manifestation of humans who chose to put things into order? aren't was all follwing this train of sequence to make ourselves more able in a world of chaos. the chaos intrigues us, we try to make sense of it
me: actually
smaller pictures r just the seperate pieces of the bigger picture
9:03 PM galactic.avenger: yes kinda like views of a table :P
me: o.0
of a table ?
galactic.avenger: u know in sql
me: oooh
9:04 PM galactic.avenger: there are virtual views which arent tables but merely representations
me: selective points from the whole data base is shown
here ppl see only those things that afffect them directly
galactic.avenger: yes
9:05 PM me: this is the main reason why r not in tune with nature
u know
just a few hours before i was thinking abt how man is so far removed from anything natural
9:06 PM i think its just coz we r short sighted
galactic.avenger: we are not short sighted
we are merely paralysed
me: it is voluntary paralysis
9:07 PM galactic.avenger: its mandatory paralysis
me: which is given rise coz of our short sightedness
no dude no
look at the oil problem
galactic.avenger: fuck the oil problem
me: in the world
galactic.avenger: look at ourselves
me: we know what the solutions r
but we dont act on them
coz we fear change
look at ourselves
best examples
9:08 PM we both know our short comings
we r not that blind
galactic.avenger: yet we dont work on it
me: i'll talk abt myself
i know exactly what i must do
but i dont do it
galactic.avenger: yes
so sture
9:09 PM me: its the same with every1 upto some level
i mean
no1 thinks hez perfect
every1 thinks he can improve
galactic.avenger: but then we are blinded by a certain perception of this world which has such a high degree of physical presence
me: then why dznt he ?
coz it will change him
galactic.avenger: no
9:10 PM i want to change
me: no
galactic.avenger: but i cannot in some things
me: yes u can
wahii to mental block hai yaar
THAT is our bane
thinking we cannot do anything

evolution ?

me: acha
i want to do the same
i believe that there is one universal law
ashima: n that is..
me: that will explain everything in the physical world
ashima: aahh...
9:31 PM me: i so wanna know wt it is
it must be beautiful
of terrible simplicity
dont u think ?
so simple we havnt thopught of it yet
9:32 PM ashima: to govern the universe..i dunno if it wud be simple
me: it has to be simple
in fact
ashima: v may allow ourselve 2 think that watever it is it's too simple
bt who knos
me: it will be a law that can be written in just one line
without any long equations
9:33 PM yaar
world is simple
when u look at it..
dont u think so ?
ashima: explain it further
me: look at animals
9:34 PM bhai unki life kitni simple hai
ashima: i dunno if its simple, i dont have the knowledge 2 make sch a statement..
me: eat, sleep, make out
we humans have complicated life
9:35 PM destroyed our natural surrounding
ashima: thr are complexities in the lives of animals too
me: nai yaar
kuch complex nai hota
ashima: escaoe from nimals who devour u,
find food fr urself
me: unka primary rule hai survival of their race
ashima: bring up family, look after babies till thy can support thmselves
9:36 PM me: survival with the best off springs
wahi to
everything is based on survival
but look at humans
we dont just survive
we improvise
we invent
ashima: think
think too mch..
me: to make our simple life complicated
ashima: hehehehhe
me: yes
ashima: yes
me: thinking too much is not good at all
9:37 PM ashima: not at all
me: :P
ashima: from wat i've seen
ppl compliacte their lives only by thinking too mch
me: actually
their attempt at simplifying life complicates it more
9:38 PM its like trying to untangle a mass of strings
ashima: i'd say there are too many aspects f humans
emotional, physical, moral..wat not
that is wat complicates
9:39 PM me: yeaa
i think we shud publish a book
ashima: hahahahahaahhaahahaha
who'd read it??
9:40 PM only ppl like us wud b interested in it, n thy'd b writing buks themselves
me: lol
sahi baat
its not going to happen :|

Sunday, November 15, 2009


What does being in love mean ? i dont know. but i know that if you love something, u r in a constant fear. afraid that it may be taken away from you. i was in love once. i knew i was, because i was constantly afraid. now it doesnt seem worth it. i hate people who say " if u really love something, u dont have to be afraid of it being taken away from u".... wt kinda crappy reasoning is that ??? i will shield the thing i love from all eyes. only the worthy would look at it.... that is my love and i stand by it

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

i am a man driven by my ego... it is the only thing that can actually control me

Friday, September 25, 2009

every single moment with her was like
u know
the way i wanted to feel all my life

knowing that i cud make her laugh
even for 1 second made me feel proud abt myself in a way i never had

before this moment, i believed i was the strongest person i had ever known
before this moment, i believed nothing could break me

i believed that with her our life wud always be a sunny day

i belived that i cudnt love anyone so much

not anymore

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

i still see you... but i am getting stronger each passing day. there will come a time when i dont need your memory anymore...

this is my borrowed time

Monday, August 03, 2009

The Moving Finger writes, and having writ,
Moves on: nor all your Piety nor Wit
Shall lure it back to cancel half a line,
Nor all your tears wash out a Word of it.

Here with a little bread beneath the Bough,
A Flask of Wine, A Book of Verse--and Thou
Beside me singing in the Wilderness--
Oh, Wilderness were Paradise enow!

Waste not your Hour, nor in the vain pursuit
Of This and That endeavor and dispute;
Better be jocund with the fruitful Grape
Than sadden after none, or bitter, Fruit.

Oh, Thou, who Men of baser Earth didst make,
And ev'n with Paradise devise the Snake:
For all the Sin the Face of Wretched Man
Is black with-Man's forgiveness give--and take!

And much as Wine has played the Infidel,
And robbed me of my Robe of Honor--Well,
I often wonder what the Vintner's buy
One half so precious as the wares they sell.

-The Rubaiyat of Omar Khayyam

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Once there was a painter par excellence, a genius. He created a painting so beautiful that he did not put it up for auction. The painting always remained in his room, in front of his eyes. All his future works had their roots in that painting.

Soon, the painter's worst fear became that of being separated from his master-piece. He lived a life in another realm full of paranoia, a reality revolving around the main objective of retaining the Precious at all costs.....

His mind has created the perfect hell for him.... which existed only in his eyes....

It took him 2 years to realize what he had become.... a monstrosity... a being fueled only by physical needs, greed and selfishness... his blindness to things that mattered....

Yesterday he tore the painting. He sawed through his own limb...

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Today, a new phase of my life begins..... one string less....

Sunday, May 10, 2009

I can't imagine, any greater fear
Than waking up, without you here,
And though the sun, would still shine on,
My whole world, would all be gone.

It wouldn't matter why we're apart,
Lonely miles or two stubborn hearts
Nothing short of Death
Could turn me away from your love
I need you that much.

If I had to run, if I had to crawl
If I had to swim a hundred rivers, just to climb a thousand walls,
Always know that I would find a way, to get to where you are,
There's no place that far.

- Sara Evans
Happy Mother's Day... :)

Wednesday, April 29, 2009


There was a time when i despised my life, my sense of being, all the people who constituted my existence. I only lived because the lives of few people who had cared for me depended on me. Giving it all up just didn't seem worth hurting them. So i lived on, for others...

But with time, my reasons for living changed. After a great deal of introspection, delving beneath those thick layers of self-delusion, i figured out that i was, in fact, afraid of death.... as a child is afraid of the dark. I remember, when i was a small boy, i was so afraid of the dark. Night was the embodiment of everything i feared. I used to stay up alone in my bed, waiting for the sun to rise....

It took me a long time to understand that the only way to get over your demons is to embrace them. Now, night is a friend.... sunlight is a bane...

I kept evolving. Every new experience taught me new ways to adapt and thus to survive. I have now become a fighter. They say i never give up. The truth is, i have already given up everything. My whole being has become a set of images. Images of a person that was.... that existed before all the expectations mutilated him into something he should be, but is not....

In hindsight this eternal fight seems unnecessary for someone who hates to live... why rebel when it makes no difference ? Because this set of images is now trying to form a concrete shape. Something which is not made of deceit but truth. It would seem that he now wants to live. It would seem that he is not afraid of death anymore. It would seem that he has climbed out of the abyss to take back what is his..... his life....

Actually, he had evolved again.... and this time he realized that although he was afraid of death, he also loved to live.

He watches a new flower grow
He watches a rain drop fall on his face
He watches magnets attract eachother
He watches a caterpiller turn into a butterfly
He watches the perfect form of the woman he loves

The child in him which he thought had died is reborn again....
It is this child that shows him how beautiful the world truly is
And then he realizes... this child was never dead.... this child is the fighter inside his husk of meat...
The child is the Soul

Slowly he realizes again...... to get over his fears he must embrace them.... and the only thing he ever feared was not death.... but life...

Sunday, February 01, 2009

I've looked at it from both sides now;
To win and lose and still somehow-
It's life's deception as I recall,
I don't know life at all.

-picked up

Thursday, January 29, 2009

He had a lot of trouble with taste. Often his thoughts were not tasty. There were no effective partitions in his mind. What he saw and learned touched everything else he knew. Some of the combinations were hard to live with. But he could not anticipate them, could not block and repress. His learned value of decency and propriety tagged along, shocked at his associations, appalled at his dreams; sorry that in the bone arena of his skull there were no forts for what he loved. His associations came at the speed of light, his value judgments were at the pace of responsive reading. They could never keep up and direct his thinking.
He viewed his mentality as grotesque but useful. There was nothing he could do about it.