Evolve

There was a time when i despised my life, my sense of being, all the people who constituted my existence. I only lived because the lives of few people who had cared for me depended on me. Giving it all up just didn't seem worth hurting them. So i lived on, for others...

But with time, my reasons for living changed. After a great deal of introspection, delving beneath those thick layers of self-delusion, i figured out that i was, in fact, afraid of death.... as a child is afraid of the dark. I remember, when i was a small boy, i was so afraid of the dark. Night was the embodiment of everything i feared. I used to stay up alone in my bed, waiting for the sun to rise....

It took me a long time to understand that the only way to get over your demons is to embrace them. Now, night is a friend.... sunlight is a bane...

I kept evolving. Every new experience taught me new ways to adapt and thus to survive. I have now become a fighter. They say i never give up. The truth is, i have already given up everything. My whole being has become a set of images. Images of a person that was.... that existed before all the expectations mutilated him into something he should be, but is not....

In hindsight this eternal fight seems unnecessary for someone who hates to live... why rebel when it makes no difference ? Because this set of images is now trying to form a concrete shape. Something which is not made of deceit but truth. It would seem that he now wants to live. It would seem that he is not afraid of death anymore. It would seem that he has climbed out of the abyss to take back what is his..... his life....

Actually, he had evolved again.... and this time he realized that although he was afraid of death, he also loved to live.

He watches a new flower grow
He watches a rain drop fall on his face
He watches magnets attract eachother
He watches a caterpiller turn into a butterfly
He watches the perfect form of the woman he loves

The child in him which he thought had died is reborn again....
It is this child that shows him how beautiful the world truly is
And then he realizes... this child was never dead.... this child is the fighter inside his husk of meat...
The child is the Soul

Slowly he realizes again...... to get over his fears he must embrace them.... and the only thing he ever feared was not death.... but life...