I have always been an outsider..... an observer even in my own life. Some might think that is not even possible :)

From an early age, I have been a catalyst to people around me. Few words of mine would make people ascend or implode. I only realize it now in hindsight.

Sometimes for personal gain, most of the time based on sheer mood, I could change the entire thought process of an individual. Women find it charming, men find it inspirational. I find it disturbing.

But i have met few people who could see through me.... they are the scariest. What does a man with power desire ? More power... and fear ? Someone immune to that power.

Still... being an outsider has been.... illuminating. Obsering a system from the outside gives you a different kind of perspective.... like watching an army of ants building a hill.

Again facing a break up because lack of intimacy.  Have been repeatedly told I am not THERE.....
If only I could say.... " YOU are not here ".

There is no such thing like a free meal... :)

"They keep making the same stupid mistakes."
"They ? So you see yourself different from other people ? "
".. I didnt mean it that way. But of course... I am. What can I do about it ?"
~The man from earth.

Life

Death and I, we have a history together.

There are days when my Grandfather's memories stir. He was a pillar of strength, silent fortitude... of truth and righteousness even when he faced the worst humanity had to offer. And I struggled to disappoint him at every turn of my life. Just out of spite for people whose expectations were always growing with everything I achieved.
Instead of a mother and a father, I had him, the best of both. And I did not realize his importance until he was taken. Its ironical; now that he is gone, I am wracked with guilt everytime I remember why I failed him. Hatred for people is never greater than the love for one person; if only I had realized this in time.

There are days when I remember that I was only 45 minutes away from where he lay dying. Without me. And I could not get there in time. Took me years to realize, that day I did not fail him. I failed myself. And I would live with that guilt for the rest of my life.

We will meet soon Papa. I hope it would not be meaningless to apologize then.

As our lips touched, as the warmth of her breath drove away the cold, i realized the words were finally here.
But the moment rendered those words redundant. As we looked in eachother's eyes..... she smiled and said, "i know" :)

When you are in love you can't fall asleep because reality is better than your dreams. ~ Dr. Seuss

Pity

"We should not deal with life, death and judgement. Many who live, deserve death. Many who died, deserved life. Can we give life back ? Not even the wisest of us can foresee what fate has in store for us.
What we can, and should, deal in, is pity."

Few months ago, I would have slapped anyone who said this to me.

Battlecry !!

Probability is replaced by inevitability when you cross the threshold of what is considered humanly accomplishable. Don't be just a man; become a force of nature. Perfect. Genuine. Complete. Crystalline. Pure.

Raise yourself above the lusts.

Wake up.