He had a lot of trouble with taste. Often his thoughts were not tasty. There were no effective partitions in his mind. What he saw and learned touched everything else he knew. Some of the combinations were hard to live with. But he could not anticipate them, could not block and repress. His learned value of decency and propriety tagged along, shocked at his associations, appalled at his dreams; sorry that in the bone arena of his skull there were no forts for what he loved. His associations came at the speed of light, his value judgments were at the pace of responsive reading. They could never keep up and direct his thinking.
He viewed his mentality as grotesque but useful. There was nothing he could do about it.

anger, frustration, jealousy..... utter hatred...

i have been stupid in all my time with her. the moment which came yesterday, i had feared for almost everyday i spent with her. and now when the moment is upon me, i just refuse to accept it.... i just wish it weren't true.... i just wish i'd fall asleep and never ever wake up. maybe i'll do that..

i still dont understand my attraction towards her... its a passion... a want without any logic attached to it... why ? i ask myself...why her ? and why so much ?

and suddenly it all becomes so clear to me. a dozen of people interact with her and no one sees what she really is... all the good in her. i manage to see it.... and it makes me feel good about myself...

i guess i really do love her.... she makes me want to be a better man...

the unending life... the single-dimentionality of everything. the world has evolved around in such a complex way is just to make it more interesting so that life can continue evolving trying to understand it.

we consider ourselves at the top of the food chain ? but we r certainly at the last node of morality chain. the morality which disintegrates into two halves, pure and tainted, with pure being killed by the tainted so as to evolve further. the number of pure species decreases geometrically with each evolution cycle. the number of tainted species keeps on increasing at the same rate as well. a day comes when there is no pure species left.

the tainted then fight. after millions of years of struggle, the most tainted one survives and then gives rise to a species even worse than the present, more violent and amoral.

to evolve is to willingly degenerate the basic simplicity of life.

finally release.... in this very moment...

Make for yourself a definition or description of the thing which is presented to you, so as to see distinctly what kind of a thing it is in its substance, in its nudity, in its complete entirety, and tell yourself its proper name, and the names of the things of which it has been compounded, and into which it will be resolved. For nothing is so productive of elevation of mind as to be able to examine methodically and truly every object which is presented to you in life, and always to look at things so as to see at the same time what kind of universe this is, and what kind of use everything performs in it, and what value everything has with reference to the whole.

The universe itself is god and the universal outpouring of its soul; it is this same world's guiding principle, operating in mind and reason, together with the common nature of things and the totality which embraces all existence in which everything is contained.

Constantly regard the universe as one living being, having one substance and one soul; and observe how all things have reference to one perception, the perception of this one living being; and how all things act with one movement; and how all things are the cooperating causes of all things which exist; observe too the continuous spinning of the thread and the structure of the web.

Reason means not only using logic, but also understanding the processes of nature — the logos , or universal reason, inherent in all things. Living according to reason and virtue, they held, is to live in harmony with the divine order of the universe, in recognition of the common reason and essential value of all people. The four cardinal virtues of this philosophy are Wisdom, Courage, Justice and Temperance. If someone is unkind, it is because they are unaware of their own universal reason. Likewise, if they are unhappy, it is because they have forgotten how nature actually functions.

Apathy frees us from suffering...