Sunday, September 25, 2011


The last few weeks have been illuminating. I have found out how power corrupts people; including me.

At work I have been brilliant : at my tasks which should have been enough for any normal person; but also at undermining others' abilities... very VERY subtly. So smoothly, that it feels sometimes i am doing it sub-consciously. Almost like a second skin. No body understands it around me. To them I am just this trouble-shooter.

But beneath a friendly exterior which smiles and pleases everyone with quick witty comments, there lies a cold interior, laced with contempt for people of lesser ability.

And if one might dig deeper, there runs a line of weakness. A fear of failure.

This weakness counters all the ethics i THINK i believe in. In fact, I am 99% sure i do. But then when i judge my actions at the end everyday, I feel i break them ever so calmly, so carefully that no one realizes what I did. Not even me until i think over it.

On a sub-conscious level, I have played life as a game without rules where winning is everything. I have always had what I wanted, maybe not when I wanted it, but i got it. And i did everything i could do to get it. But earlier they were harmless things. A boy's needs are only so much.

Now, on the other hand, I risk hurting people badly. I can scar people for life and not give it a second thought to achieve my goals. I perceive myself as a threat to people around me.

Is it my fault ? That society has made this a rat-eat-rat race ?

Or am i justified in making a stair made up of corpses to the top ?

Seems pretty sad, that even with so many friends I have no one to talk about this. I suppose this the price I must pay for my devilry.

If only life were simpler.


Ankit Rastogi said...

Honestly..I do not find anything wrong with it, maybe its just beacuse I am not at the receiving end or maybe I realize that that's how life is. Somebody is gonna take that step and climb the ladder. Better me..

Aayush Verma said...

but what if at some point in our life, we ARE on the receiving end Ankit. how would it feel to be treated the same way as we treat others ?

Ankit Rastogi said...

C'est la vie..!!People will step over you if you aren't strong enough to fight back. It takes two to tango. Its the other person's fault too, to let you treat him thus. You only have power over him because he allows you to (for whatsoever reason). All I am saying is, if it was me on the recieving end, I'd probably fight back. At the very least I'd try...