hmmmmmmmm

a self imposed change on my life style........ i dont know if its a good idea.... have already alienated myself from the only real friends i had.

the picture brought this change..... his face reminded me i have still a lot to do..... though not a reason. but is this way correct ?? for once i cannot make a decision.

hope is a good thing..........

................

My child arrived just the other day;
Came to the world in the usually way
But there were planes to catch and bills to pay.
He learned to walk while I was away.
He was talkin' 'fore I knew it.
And as he grew he said,
"I'm gonna be like you, Dad.
You know I'm gonna be like you."


Well, my son turned ten just the other day.
He said , "Thanks for the ball, Dad. Come on, let's play.
Could you teach me to throw ?" I said, "Not today.
I got a lot to do." He said, "That's okay."
And he walked away and he smiled and he said,
"You know,
I'm gonna be like him, yeah.
You know I'm gonna be like him."

Well, he came from college just the other day,
So much like a man I just had to say,
"I'm proud of you. Could you sit for a while ?"
He shook his head and he said with a smile,
"What I'd really like, Dad, is to borrow the car keys.
See you later. Can I have them please ?"


I've long since retired, my son's moved away.
I called him up just the other day.
"I'd like to see you, if you dont mind."
He said, "I'd love to, Dad, if I could find the time.
You see my new job's a hassle and the kids have the flu,
But it's sure nice talkin' to you, Dad.
It's been sure nice talkin' to you."

And as I hung up the phone it occurred to me,
He'd grown up just like me.
My boy was just like me.


-Cat's in the cradle (ugly kid joe)


i wont be like my dad.........

.............

And thus I clothe my naked villainy...
...with old odd ends
stolen forth from holy writ...
...and seem a saint,
when most I play the devil.



- V for Vendetta

black & white..........

.......................and He looked down at the small boy, who He had just robbed of everything that mattered in his three years of life. Looked down at eyes that will one day , burn with hatred and loathing. Looked down at a child's face that will much soon become a man's. Looked down at lips that will never smile again. Looked down at tears that will never flow again, because he will never experience pain any greater than he had just walked through. Looked down at a head that will never go down till a breath is left. Looked down at a small body that will hurt itself everyday because of his helplessness. Looked down at the seed of hatred He had just sowed, knowing that time will not kill , but nurture him. Looked down at a life He knew , will always be against the wall,crawling, trying to stand up and falling harder with every effort. But He also knew that the boy will never go down, someday he will get up. He will be someone. That day, there would be a reckoning. That day, the circle will be over and the pain will go away. The boy will be beyond its reach.
All these things He knew. To Him all this was a game, nothing else. What the small boy didn't know as looked into the darkness, was that he had already been marked........that one day he will see the light and that day, he will choose the darkness......................
............ and in his own blood he will taste vengeance and find redemption.

one pillar gone......

i have been to too many funerals.


my grandfather died a few weeks ago. he was probably the best man i had ever known. he brought me up since i was 4 years old. i had been away from him since 5 years. we did not talk much. it was my fault because i knew he'd have listened if only i had talked. there was so much i wanted to tell him. i'd have told him that now i understood why he forced me to do the things i hated. i'd have told him how much i liked the books he always brought me. i'd have told him how much i appreciated his always being patient with me.i'd have told him how sorry i was for everytime i refused to listen to what he said.i'd have told him that everytime i failed him, it hurt me much more than it hurt him. i'd have told him....... i could never love him even though i wanted to with all my heart...... that, i could never be a son. there were so many things i wanted to tell him. now, there are so many things i will never be able to tell him.